Sorry to steal the entire thing, it is just too good. However he does have an update of one of his song parodies!How Democrats wound up where they are today.
Can we screw it up? YES WE CAN!
Democrat 1: Wow, look at the great choice we have this year. There’s the black one and the pink one. And of course, the white one.
Democrat 2: Yes, the white one.
[They laugh and both grab the white one and toss it over their heads.]
D1: Republicans have 5 choices.
D2: Yes, it must be difficult for them.
D1: They cannot decide on whether to go with white or white or white or white or white.
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D2: Yes, it should be a good year. Just like 2006.
D1: Between the war going badly and the economy going south, this should be the year we take back the White House.
D2 (Sings): Happy Days Are Here Again!
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D1: And Republicans will be fighting among themselves until May at least.
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D2: Meanwhile, our candidate will be picked by Super Tuesday and will be able to begin the fall campaign while they bicker among themselves.
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D1: Our candidate — no matter which one we pick — will make history.
D2: Yes, it is a win-win situation. They agree on everything, so there is no bickering over the party’s platforms.
D1: We’re united.
D2: They’re divided.
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D1: So which one will it be?
D2: Let’s go with the pink one.
D1: Really? I thought we’d go with the black one.
D2: Well, maybe next time.
D1: Why?
D2: Well, she earned it, putting up with Elvis for all those years.
D1: Yes. Well, she also carries a lot of baggage with her. The Republican Attack Machine will have a field day with her.
D2: But she’s strong. She survived their attacks for 16 years.
[They both laugh.]
D1: Yes, but don’t you think Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton is a bit much?
D2: Maybe, but don’t you think it is time for a pink one?
D1: Oh sure, it is time. Still, it is also time for a black one.
D2: And a pink one.
D1: Too bad we cannot get a black and pink one.
[They both laugh.]
D2: But she’s paid her dues, like I said. She was the co-president.
D1: Like he hasn’t paid his dues.
D2: What do you mean?
D1: I mean, come on. He’s the black one.
D2: Well, it’s not like he descended from slaves. His father was a Kenyan. In fact, his family owned slaves.
D1: Well, so did a lot of presidents.
[They both laugh.]
D2: Well, he won South Carolina. But so did Jesse Jackson.
D1: What does that mean?
D2: Nothing. Nothing. Just saying.
D1: Yea, well I’m just saying that she won New Hampshire by crying.
D2: She did not cry. Her eyes welled up.
D1: He’s taking all the blue states. Party loyalty.
D2: So did Dukakis and Gore and Kerry. She’s taking all the red states. Opportunity.
D1: He’s ahead in the popular vote.
D2: Only if you don’t count Michigan and Florida.
D1: He didn’t campaign there.
D2: Neither did she.
D1: But her name was on the ballot in Michigan, not his.
D2: But she still got more than half those votes.
D1: But he’s ahead in money.
D2: But not by much.
D1: *cough* Norman Hsu.
D2: *cough* *cough* Tony Rezko.
D1: Geraldine Ferraro.
D2: Jeremiah Wright.
D1: Let’s not fight like this. The Republicans have chosen a candidate. It is time for us to settle on one. Fight the real enemy.
[They both laugh.]
D2: Agreed. How about a Dream Team of Pink/Black.
D1: Why does the black one always have to get to the back of the bus?
D2: Only because he’s the younger, less experienced one.
D1: Yes, he did not have the experience of voting for the war.
D2: But he later said, when we were winning, he did not know how he would have voted.
D1: Let’s not fight like this. The Republicans have chosen a candidate. It is time for us to settle on one. Fight the real enemy.
D2: You already said that.
D1: Just trying to be nice. Look, it is a close race but she cannot win the nomination. Let’s just pick the black one and begin concentrating on November.
D2: He cannot win the nomination either.
D1: He’s ahead in popular vote.
D2: So was Al Gore.
[D2 laughs. Not D1.]
D1: He might have won if the pink one helped more.
D2: She was running for the Senate. She had her own battle to fight.
D1: Yes, just like in Bosnia.
D2: What’s that supposed to mean?
D1: Oh nothing. Just going through her war record.
D2: Well his combat experience consists of listening to Bill Ayers talk about his bombs.
D1: You had to go there, didn’t you?
D2: Go where?
D1: You had to bring up Bill Ayers. Hey, how about those terrorists your husband pardoned?
D2: Yea? Well what about Tony Rezko?
D1: Marc Rich.
D2: Well, at least pink knows enough to wear a lapel pin and know enough to cross her heart when they sing the national anthem.
D1: Patriotism? Starting a war isn’t patriotic, it is suicide.
D2: Michelle did Princeton, Harvard, knocked down $300 grand a year as a hospital PR person, had her husband elected to the Senate and won a few primaries before she was proud of the country.
D1: Pink is starting to sound like a Republican.
D2: Beats sounding like an ingrate.
D1: Ingrate? You mean N-grate. Why don’t you just call them the N-word and be done with it.
D2: What? Where do you get that?
D1: From you, you witch.
D2: Chauvinist.
Republican 1: Pass the popcorn.
Republican 2: Buttered or kettle?
R1: Either, I’m not hard to please.
R2: Me neither.
DKK
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