How Democrats wound up where they are today.
Can we screw it up? YES WE CAN!
Democrat 1: Wow, look at the great choice we have this year. There’s the black one and the pink one. And of course, the white one.
Democrat 2: Yes, the white one.
[They laugh and both grab the white one and toss it over their heads.]
D1: Republicans have 5 choices.
D2: Yes, it must be difficult for them.
D1: They cannot decide on whether to go with white or white or white or white or white.
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D2: Yes, it should be a good year. Just like 2006.
D1: Between the war going badly and the economy going south, this should be the year we take back the White House.
D2 (Sings): Happy Days Are Here Again!
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D1: And Republicans will be fighting among themselves until May at least.
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D2: Meanwhile, our candidate will be picked by Super Tuesday and will be able to begin the fall campaign while they bicker among themselves.
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D1: Our candidate — no matter which one we pick — will make history.
D2: Yes, it is a win-win situation. They agree on everything, so there is no bickering over the party’s platforms.
D1: We’re united.
D2: They’re divided.
[They both laugh and laugh and laugh.]
D1: So which one will it be?
D2: Let’s go with the pink one.
D1: Really? I thought we’d go with the black one.
D2: Well, maybe next time.
D1: Why?
D2: Well, she earned it, putting up with Elvis for all those years.
D1: Yes. Well, she also carries a lot of baggage with her. The Republican Attack Machine will have a field day with her.
D2: But she’s strong. She survived their attacks for 16 years.
[They both laugh.]
D1: Yes, but don’t you think Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton is a bit much?
D2: Maybe, but don’t you think it is time for a pink one?
D1: Oh sure, it is time. Still, it is also time for a black one.
D2: And a pink one.
D1: Too bad we cannot get a black and pink one.
[They both laugh.]
D2: But she’s paid her dues, like I said. She was the co-president.
D1: Like he hasn’t paid his dues.
D2: What do you mean?
D1: I mean, come on. He’s the black one.
D2: Well, it’s not like he descended from slaves. His father was a Kenyan. In fact, his family owned slaves.
D1: Well, so did a lot of presidents.
[They both laugh.]
D2: Well, he won South Carolina. But so did Jesse Jackson.
D1: What does that mean?
D2: Nothing. Nothing. Just saying.
D1: Yea, well I’m just saying that she won New Hampshire by crying.
D2: She did not cry. Her eyes welled up.
D1: He’s taking all the blue states. Party loyalty.
D2: So did Dukakis and Gore and Kerry. She’s taking all the red states. Opportunity.
D1: He’s ahead in the popular vote.
D2: Only if you don’t count Michigan and Florida.
D1: He didn’t campaign there.
D2: Neither did she.
D1: But her name was on the ballot in Michigan, not his.
D2: But she still got more than half those votes.
D1: But he’s ahead in money.
D2: But not by much.
D1: *cough* Norman Hsu.
D2: *cough* *cough* Tony Rezko.
D1: Geraldine Ferraro.
D2: Jeremiah Wright.
D1: Let’s not fight like this. The Republicans have chosen a candidate. It is time for us to settle on one. Fight the real enemy.
[They both laugh.]
D2: Agreed. How about a Dream Team of Pink/Black.
D1: Why does the black one always have to get to the back of the bus?
D2: Only because he’s the younger, less experienced one.
D1: Yes, he did not have the experience of voting for the war.
D2: But he later said, when we were winning, he did not know how he would have voted.
D1: Let’s not fight like this. The Republicans have chosen a candidate. It is time for us to settle on one. Fight the real enemy.
D2: You already said that.
D1: Just trying to be nice. Look, it is a close race but she cannot win the nomination. Let’s just pick the black one and begin concentrating on November.
D2: He cannot win the nomination either.
D1: He’s ahead in popular vote.
D2: So was Al Gore.
[D2 laughs. Not D1.]
D1: He might have won if the pink one helped more.
D2: She was running for the Senate. She had her own battle to fight.
D1: Yes, just like in Bosnia.
D2: What’s that supposed to mean?
D1: Oh nothing. Just going through her war record.
D2: Well his combat experience consists of listening to Bill Ayers talk about his bombs.
D1: You had to go there, didn’t you?
D2: Go where?
D1: You had to bring up Bill Ayers. Hey, how about those terrorists your husband pardoned?
D2: Yea? Well what about Tony Rezko?
D1: Marc Rich.
D2: Well, at least pink knows enough to wear a lapel pin and know enough to cross her heart when they sing the national anthem.
D1: Patriotism? Starting a war isn’t patriotic, it is suicide.
D2: Michelle did Princeton, Harvard, knocked down $300 grand a year as a hospital PR person, had her husband elected to the Senate and won a few primaries before she was proud of the country.
D1: Pink is starting to sound like a Republican.
D2: Beats sounding like an ingrate.
D1: Ingrate? You mean N-grate. Why don’t you just call them the N-word and be done with it.
D2: What? Where do you get that?
D1: From you, you witch.
D2: Chauvinist.
Republican 1: Pass the popcorn.
Republican 2: Buttered or kettle?
R1: Either, I’m not hard to please.
R2: Me neither.
Sorry to steal the entire thing, it is just too good. However he does have an update of one of his song parodies!
Twice in it’s history Time has used a different color boarder.
Black after 9/11 and now green.
The red cover boarder is copyrighted and trademarked. Do they not understand that trivializing their brand and brand identity is a bad idea, not to mention that it clearly puts the two events, global warming and 9/11 on a par.
To summarize, for feel good politics they are willing to:
a) Sully the efforts and heroics of those brave Marines of WWII,
b) Sully the tragedy of 9/11,
c) Sully the Time Magazine brand.
Good move there, or did I miss when they changed the title from Publisher to Pimp?
DKK